written in March 2006
My name is Ivonne Radtke. I am 42 years old and I live in Bavaria, Germany. 1993 my regular life was destroyed when I fell ill and received the diagnosis MS. From 1993-1995 I had five attacks. The symptoms reached from numbness or bandage feeling over eye-sight problems like double-vision to motoric problems with arms and legs and small paralisations, dizziness and balance-problems. At times I couldnīt stand anything from outside anymore (talk, TV, radio, even the intesive red of a flower was too much) and sometimes I wouldnīt recognise people I know anymore. The future was scary and uncertain in every respect (health, work - which I had lost right after the diagnosis). How would I cope financially and healthwise. Therefore I often fell, together with the fear of the MS itself, into deep despair. The attacks were treated with cortisone and for two years I also took an immune-suppressive drug. The latter I stopped taking at my own risk, as I thought it would be unhealthy, to suppress the immunesystem. I think, that drugs can be used as a cane for a while and can be taken in a positive attitude. For me they are not a solution in the long run.
Inside me there was also from the very beginning the believe, that it would be possible to heal oneself and therefor I went on my way - I went to classes, seminars and lectures, read books and exchanged thoughts with others. One important incident for me was at the beginning of 1994 in a seminar which was about the body-energy and where I heard the words Qi and meridians for the first time. After visualising, that my feet were deeply rooted in the earth, it was not possible to lift me from the ground anymore. Why that worked, who knows - but my thought was: "Then I can also visualise to be healthy!"
In my many dark hours, I often would simply lie there, let go to the inner pain and the despair, but also somehow to a higher power and suddenly I felt something in my body - sometimes it was something flowing or prickling, sometimes warmth. Thinking, that this must be healing-energy, I let it flow through my ill body. Nowadays I believe, that the Still Qi Gong had found me and I had found it. During the fifth attack someone gave me the telephone number of a Qi Gong Master, living in Munich, named Zhi Chang Li. Even though I didnīt really know anything about Qi Gong, I went to a beginners seminar for a few days over Easter 1995, as it also was clear to me, that I would not want to live like that anymore. And suprise - the Still Qi Gong did not seem strange to me at all. It is practised sitting on a chair only by mental visualisation. Master Li explained how the course of an illness could be slowed down or even be stopped by practising Qi Gong. That was all I needed to know and I went onto that path. I practised for 1 1/2 years by myself with growing trust whilst also during that time free of relapses. After that I took part in a 2 year teachers-seminar with Master Li, which are still followed by seminars until today. I did not have anymore MS-attacks and the old symptoms are well or completely gone.
I am often asked about what I think, how it worked. Well, of course I cannot know up to the very smallest detail or even prove anything, but I think, that next to a lucky fate and mostly the Qi Gong practise, the following things might have been important:
- I have written a diary, did psychotherapy, lived through the pain about my illness and my "former" life.
- I accepted the situation in the end (ca. between the third and forth attack), as it was (and rather because I had to). Letting go of believes how things should be, giving in the fight and swimming trustful in the flow of things and live, does not mean, to give in in a passive way - it is rather action within non-action. At one point I realised that I am only like a little piece of dust compared to the universe but also a part of it and kept well in in.
- My philosophy was and is to find a deeper meaning in things that happen and circumstances, to understand, so that I then can change things in a positive way in myself and my life. I also asked myself in general about the meaning of life and the meaning of my life. Today I believe, that it is my task, as a result of my experiences, to pass on Qi Gong.
- I did not see the illness, despite of everything, as an enemy and something from the outside. It can be a kind of friend who wants to show that something in someoneīs life does not harmonise and what needs to be changed. With that the meditations and books of Rüdiger Dahlke helped me. By visualisation it is possible to get answers from ones subconciousness and to imagine the healing process. In a meditative state one can get in touch with the illness or the part inside that produced it, to ask, what it wants to tell me. My MS for example, wanted to be freed (by love she told me, when I kept asking on). Other illnesses want to be taken into the arm or things like that. My experience is, that the upcoming images are not nasty - the illness just wants to be seen, thatīs the first step. See, look at it, accept it.
- I think humor and friendship are important.
- Music was a medium for me to get in touch with my soul, my subconsiousness and "higher" (one could say cosmos, god, fate etc.). During my stays in hospital I received a few tapes with different music. The music of Kitaro back then touched me deep inside and also all by itself images of the healing appeared - eg fairies floating up the spine, healing sclerotic pieces with their magic wands.
- I have tried different methods like Tai Chi, Yoga or autogene training. For me personally in the end the Still Qi Gong was the way. By practising it, one does not only regulate the flow of energy in the body which stimulates self healing processes. Over some time one gets calmer inside which makes life easier and happier in general. One is able to spot patterns of behaviour that produce illness earlier and better, so that one is able to change them. Qi Gong and medition are not supposed to make one floating in higher spheres - the things one experiences while doing it are supposed to be wide awake in contact with life, with the outside.
- Thoughts produce feelings, words and actions. Therefor Iīm taking care of my thoughts to reflect them. Thoughts resp. emotions can change and influence metabolism, cell structures, immune system, chemical processes etc. in the body. This knowledge you can find in Qi Gong for example, the emotions are known in TCM and also eg Dr. Bach with his flowers knew about them.
- I realised that many patients have stress in their job-situation or in their private life (in my case I have had long-term stress with my boyfriend and then other stressy things followed short-time like loosing my job, trouble with the landlady etc. before the illness broke out). Stress is something very subjective and rarely depends on circumstances, but develops inside the people themselves. A stressy partnership is very unhealthy!
- I am keeping thankfulness and humility. There is no 100% safety in life for nobody and when I now and then get fearful I get remembered which is the way to go.
Many ways lead to Rome and the important thing is, to start walking and not resigned and doubting to remain in a passive, suffering position. Itīs no help to put guilt and responsibility to the outside, to the circumstances or others, even though this may seem easy and handy at first sight. A sort of basic trust in life, a sort of trust in God helps. Blessed with it, one knows, that absolutely all is right just the way it is. Other methods that may be of help are for example family-system-therapy (Bert Hellinger), hypnosis or in particular for people that tend to get stuck in the head, the thoughts, body-therapies like (micro-)kinesiology, skan-therapy (look Ganpro) (basing upon Reichīsche therapy about which I had read years ago the book "To heal the soul via the body"), NLP etc. When taking drugs, than maybe better Chinese Medicine (TCM) or homeopathy. They also do not treat just the body, but mind and soul.
If you answer these three sentences with Yes, you will most probably stay healthy. If you answer just one with No, you must change something - not one day, NOW!
I love what I do, my work etc.
I love where I am, the city, the country etc.
I love with whom I am, my partner, my friends etc.
If you want to get in touch with me, do not hesitate to do so!